How to Be a King in the 21st Century - and Fail
by bieni1901
Summary: Some funny stories about Arthur being unable to handle things used in everyday life in the 21st century. With Merlin, of course.


"Oh, you gotta be kidding me."  
The queue was awfully long and Merlin didn't particularly like it. His shopping trolley was so full that he wondered how he had even been able to place another thing on top of the groceries without it instantly falling off. Unfortunately, all the vendor machines were blocked, too, and the crowd of waiting people behind them didn't make it any better. Sighing, he accepted his fate and shared in one of the queues.

It could've been worse, he thought, but he was wrong. After ten minutes of waiting he suddenly noticed his phone was vibrating. When he pulled it out of his pocket and glanced at the display, he couldn't help but sigh again.  
"Arthur, what is it?"  
"Merlin," the former king's voice sounded tense, "you must come home quickly. There is something I need to discuss with you."  
_He really has nerves. Dollop head_.  
The sorcerer looked around to see if there was any chance he could speed up the process of paying. He could use magic, but it wasn't really good for his _attempt_ to blend in. He called it an attempt because he had failed several times to disguise himself since Arthur had been back. Not that anybody believed him anyways; they rather thought him to be a very odd person lately, but the ageing spell was a delicate thing. When he was outside he pretended to be about eighty years old and at home he was the young Merlin once again so that Arthur didn't get too confused. This whole situation of being back from the dead and living in a strange time he barely knew was confusing enough. They had both agreed on that.  
Merlin stroke his beard and frowned.  
"I can't vanish into thin air and appear at home. I'm buying some food. You have to be patient, I'm not as fast as I used to be."  
"That is very dramatic, Merlin. You're a sorcerer, for the sake of Camelot. Can't you think of something? I need your assistance in no time."  
"_In no time_ he says and has no idea what it is like to be an old man. You haven't changed; you're still a prat."  
At this point some people turned around to look at him, annoyed. Had he been too loud again? He sometimes forgot that he had a smartphone and didn't need to shout so that people would understand him. The 1930s had definitely had some impact on him. And not for the best, really.  
"Just hurry up, Merlin," Arthur commanded and hung up.  
The old man nodded and muttered something under his breath what sounded like _Very well then_. Some people stared at him for a moment until he made a grimace, then they turned around again. He really hoped that this would take some time - he didn't want to know what Arthur was up to again.

The first time he had called him, he had told him that he had slain a horrible creature which had woken him from his sleep. As he had described it any further, Merlin had almost dropped his phone.  
"That is the neighbour's CAR, Arthur! What did you do?!"  
"You know the name of the beast? That is terrifying, Merlin. After all, you should've told me that it was lurking in front of our house threatening Camelot."  
"First of all, it's not in front of _our_ house but that of our _neighbour_. Secondly, _have you lost your mind_? This is _London_ not Camelot. I really don't like to see what you would do to the busses or trains."  
"Whatever their name may be, I will show no mercy."  
Hung up.  
Another day Merlin had come home to a burning flat and an Arthur who tried to extinguish the flames with their brand-new curtains. The firefighters arrived about ten minutes later, but not because Arthur had called them - he hadn't known how to call anybody back then. After that, Merlin had quickly changed this.

With three bags full of groceries he went up the stairs and cursed Arthur for being like always. Not really, of course, after all they were friends. But both the old and the young man in him found it highly rude that the arrogant, pompous and self-centered former king didn't even have the idea to help him carrying the bags. He _had_ called him a few minutes ago, but there was no help in sight. When he finally arrived on the sixth floor - they had no lift in this bloody building - he gasped for air and finally opened the door.  
"You know, Arthur, you could've helped me…"  
He got cut off in the middle of the sentence.  
"Shh."  
_I need to get that potion_. Right next to the entrance there stood a small bottle filled with some liquid on a chest of drawers. It was the potion which made him young again and thus ended the ageing spell. His younger self looked back at him from the mirror just seconds after he had drunk the liquid. It was very good indeed to be himself again.  
"Merlin, let the groceries be and come here. There is something I want to show you."  
"Are you watching TV?" Merlin asked when he noticed some background noises coming from the living room.  
"How did you even manage to turn it on? I mean, you're still having troubles with the oven and the microwave…"  
"That is irrelevant, just come here and look at this. Do you know that drawn theatre?"  
"That's a film. And yes, I think it's called _The Sword in the Stone_ \- it's a recreation of the myth about you pulling Excalibur out of the stone."  
Arthur sat there with his fingers on his chin and stared at the display of the TV.  
"So you have seen it then. Have you ever noticed that the creators failed to tell the truth? It starts with you being older than me which is ridiculous."  
Merlin laughed.  
"Oh, is it? Just think about it, Arthur; I'm over a thousand years old. Compared to you, I'm really ancient."  
"But we are the same age!"  
"We would have been if you hadn't died. That is - no, actually not. I'm older now and that's it."  
The former king frowned.  
"We discuss this later. What I have further discovered is that they excluded Morgana as my sister. And they gave you a funny foe who transforms herself into animals."  
"Oh, and don't forget that they missed that you were Uther Pendragon's son and therefore a prince - which you clearly aren't."  
"These people lied about the events, Merlin, do not make fun of that!"  
"Arthur. It's just a film; it's fiction. Just grin a little bit because of that good joke."  
"It is not a good joke. I don't like it."  
_Am I really having this conversation?_ The warlock shook his head and leaned against the door leading into the living room. He hadn't entered but chosen to stay here instead. This film was more than familiar to him because he enjoyed the story - but he would never admit that to anyone, especially not to Arthur. He giggled.  
"I really do not understand why you find this funny, Merlin." Arthur stated from his chair he was sitting in.

Another funny thing. He sat in the chair instead on the sofa; Merlin remembered that the first contact with this new piece of furniture had been very awkward. As if he had never seen anything like it before! (What he meant with that was Arthur's bed.)  
Their sofa was one of a new design and black leather. It was highly comfortable to sit on it, and Merlin kept falling asleep on it while he was watching TV (it didn't matter what time of the day it was). But when Camelot's former king had first seen it, he had touched it for just one second and completely avoided it since then. Without a comment. The sorcerer thought it was because he believed that this was his friend's second bed (which was understandable).

"You know, people have forgotten that these events really happened. They consider them as myth. Don't blame them for making fun of it, especially in a children's film. After all, it's been a couple of centuries."  
The royal prat nodded as he understood what he meant.  
"I think you are right. We used to have legends and myths in Camelot as well."  
"Is that you agreeing with me?"  
"As hard as it is for me to believe that you are - or should be - an old man, I have to accept it. You definitely have more experience than me now."  
Merlin chuckled.  
"You can actually say something reasonable…sire."  
With that he burst out in laughter provoking Arthur. Just like in the good old days he decided to run after him to tell him that he should be careful, but the warlock wasn't stupid and saw his chance to get his friend to put away the groceries. Just before Arthur could actually reach him, he held up one of the heavy bags, thus stopping him to proceed with whatever he wanted to do.  
"And now that you're standing you can help me with that!"  
A sigh.  
"You tricked me!"  
"I'm smarter than you know."  
"Then just use magic…"  
"A little exercise won't kill you."  
"What the…"  
And the banter began once more. 

**_Hey there!_**

**_I hope you enjoyed this little story and I'm very curious to read what you think about it. Also, I'm thinking about uploading more short stories to create some sort of a collection. Stay tuned!_**


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